A work colleague has started copying the way you dress and speak. Is it flattering or just plain creepy?
The dilemma A new girl started in our small office six months ago and she has started to copy the way I dress and speak and some of my interests. I've discussed my concerns with my manager and she suggested I should be flattered. But I'm not ? it's creepy. This girl is a couple of years younger than me, lives with her parents and confided in me that she doesn't have many friends. She has a boyfriend, but from what I can gather they don't see each other often and he sometimes ignores her calls. I don't want to start a conflict, as I love my job, but at the same time I want her to stop behaving this way. Out of choice I wouldn't spend time with her, as she is a bit intense and inane, and don't feel like I should have to be friends with her just because we work together.
Mariella replies Friends, no; tolerant, yes. Let's not be naive here: if girls weren't insecure and didn't copy their idols, the entire fashion industry would have collapsed long ago. From Anna Wintour's perennial Chanel homage to Cheryl Cole's poor man's Cindy Crawford, there are few leaders and billions of followers when it comes to sartorial direction. Who isn't copying someone is a better question to ask than who is.
I notice a reference to a musical trend in the 70s in your longer email and presume that Patti Smith and Debbie Harry might have influenced your own wardrobe. I'll bet those esteemed rebels don't whinge about imitators since, aside from some excellent tunes, like most musical icons their success is based partly on their fans' lifestyle choices. Imitation is both the sincerest form of flattery and an essential ingredient of any youth movement. Part of a superstar's job is to create fans who want to emulate them so badly they devour the unlikeliest product. Whether it's Lady Gaga's shades or George Clooney's coffee machines, star endorsement is big business.
One of the few pieces of wisdom you accrue along with the less welcome advancing years is to healthily disparage all trends. By 45 I couldn't care less whether flares were in or out, waists were high or low, or heels stiletto or platform, as dictated by fashion bibles and those who cared enough to notice. It may have taken me decades to embrace the blindingly obvious, but what ultimately becomes clear when the fog of youth gives way to the clarity of middle age is that quality lasts, certain bodies suit certain styles, and the truly well dressed care not a hoot for what those around them are wearing.
You are getting all huffy about some girl in your office who clearly has problems socialising and is, most likely, desperately insecure. No one's asking you to take her under your wing, but at least see her imitations as homage rather than intrusion.
Just imagine if our newlywed Duchess of Cambridge took your approach. Instead I've no doubt that she's immensely flattered when thousands of royal-blue copies of Issa frocks fly out of the high-street stores. On the basis of her sartorial choices, whole fashion chains are thriving. I'll bet she's not moaning to the head of The Firm that every time she's whisked through the West End she sees endless imitators, but is basking in the warm glow of that slavish devotion. There's barely a bride in this country not looking to fairy-tale lace for her summer wedding in an effort to sprinkle herself with Middleton magic. If royalty isn't your thing, then how about celebrity? Elizabeth Hurley created a whole lucrative second career on the basis of much-copied fashion statements. Again, pragmatist that she is, I'm sure Liz is eternally grateful to the many who wanted to follow in her Valentino-styled footsteps.
Wandering the corridors of your workplace is a lonely starstruck girl who thinks you are the ultimate in cool. Even your punk style, which seemed the antithesis of fashion, was born not in thousands of grimy music venues but in the mirrors of angst-ridden teenagers inspired by puppet-master Malcolm McLaren and designer genius Dame Vivienne Westwood.
How about you gracefully accept that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, compliment your doppelgänger on her makeover and get on with your own life. If you stopped looking behind you, the disciples that follow in your footsteps would be invisible. True originals look neither backwards nor sideways but resolutely to the future.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. To have your say on this week's column, go to guardian.co.uk/dearmariella. Follow Mariella on Twitter at @mariellaf1
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/17/mariella-frostrup-colleague-imitates-dress
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